Why?

Why is it that some people recover and others don't? The tragedy about that question is there is not an easy answer. I wish there was. I know what has worked for me and over the past 20 years I have seen what hasn't worked for others.

Those of us who have been around addiction recovery for a while have seen a lot of death. Sad, horrible, and worse still, preventable death. We hear of people dying by passing out and choking on their own vomit, by their own hand in a multitude of gruesome ways, of course by car accident (which often kills others as well) or simply by a body shutting down after too much abuse. Methods of death are many, causes of death are few: addiction to something dangerous whether alcohol, drugs or food. Addiction falsely promises to insulate us from the troubles of the world, other people, ourselves—whatever it is that we are afraid of or avoiding. Yet the very thing that seems to “save” us from our emptiness, misery and dissatisfaction, which promises to bring excitement, aliveness, happiness (and even may for a short while) that very thing kills.

We don’t start out with the thought that this might kill us. We may start because it’s fun, an escape, a way for a shy, quiet person to be entertaining. We do it to fit in, to stand out, to “succeed”, and to feel alive. We do it for many reasons. Then, if we have the “right” genetic makeup, at some undetermined point it grabs us by the throat and we are trapped.

I certainly was. I didn’t plan on being bulimic for seven years of my life. I simply (and irrationally) thought I should go on a diet. A diet lead to vomiting which lead to a full blown eating disorder which only two stints in treatment could stop. I also didn’t plan on being an alcoholic and addict. But my genes said otherwise. If I hadn’t gotten into recovery at the young age of 23 who knows where I would be today. I probably would be with my kind and loving ex-boyfriend Larry who died suddenly of a drug overdose or with Cory Haim who died yesterday of an apparent drug overdose. According to the AP, in a 2007 interview on CNN's "Larry King Live," Haim called himself "a chronic relapser for the rest of my life."  I wonder if he knew at that moment that the rest of his life meant three more years. Probably not. Many of us think we are invincible, addicts have the unfortunate hallmark of the disease: denial. 

It saddens me to hear about Haim because something else is possible. Long term recovery is possible, a life without drugs and alcohol is possible. A life without binging, purging or starving oneself is possible. A life of freedom and joy is possible. It does take something. It takes commitment, willingness, courage and action but it is possible. Every day, around the world, millions of people do what it takes to recover.